Chaos

I require things in my life to maintain a certain sense of order. Without this order, my life becomes unnecessarily stressful and accomplishing any task at hand is viewed as virtually impossible. I am able to place all of my things in neat little boxes exactly where they belong. I have a drawer for each clothing item and my closet is color coordinated. I am not OCD per say, but I do have a specific way of managing my life which is efficient and effective. And then there are these things. These things that do not fit into any of my boxes. They cannot be color coordinated, and I have yet to find a designated place for them to belong. They are not clean or able to be condensed. They are emotions. And they are the worst of all, for it is not something I have control over. I cannot choose to turn my emotions on or shut them off. And this disastrous mess of a thing creates chaos. It causes me to become distracted from everything around me. I try to do my homework, but instead my mind wanders in thousands of directions. I try to sleep and instead lay awake staring at the ceiling as if some magical answer will appear on the stark white above me. I take my emotions and try to shove them into different mind compartments, but they leak out and pollute all the boxes I have worked so hard to maintain as separate entities. I only wish that my world could be so simple. If only I could contain these beasts. If only... If only...